Joke Bank

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."

With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Joke Bank

A guy walks into a bar and shouts, "When I drink, everybody drinks!". Everybody is cheering him and applauding like crazy. Feeling great, he finishes his beer, asks for another one and shouts, "When I drink again, everybody drinks again!". Once again, everybody is cheering him, he is the hero of the bar. When he is done drinking, he pulls out his wallet and shouts, "When I pay, everybody pays!".

Joke Bank

Two drunks stumble out of a pub and are walking along the road. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

Joke Bank

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender."

The bartender follows the man's order and says, "That will be $42.50 please."

The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night, the same drunk comes in and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again, the bartender follows the drunk's instructions and the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for everyone except the bartender.

The bartender says, "What, no drink for me?"

"Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."

Joke Bank

A man enters into a bar, and the waiter comes and asks him "What do you want to drink sir?" The customer points out to a guy laying on the floor and replies "Whatever that guy was drinking."